Sun Essences

Anger is a very normal part of the grieving process and it usually comes from all sides. You are angry at everyone and everything, for all sorts of reasons.

•  Angry at your beloved for leaving you!
• The doctors for failing to save your beloved!
• Angry that you have to go on living in a world without your beloved.
• The bottom line is you are angry with life and even God himself!!!

  You ask yourself, ‘what did he or I do wrong for this to happen?’ We honestly believed we were good people and lived a good life, and yet this happens!

 All that can be said is that its perfectly understandable to be angry in such situations, at the unfairness of life and it would be more unusual not to be. The best advice is not to be frightened of it, as we are in this society,  and to actually face it and feel it. You fear because underneath is pain, which feels never-ending.  Squaring up to it will ensure it dissipates more rapidly. If you can summon the strength, swimming, walking, digging the garden will all help. Perhaps consider finding a quiet space to shout, cry and let out those pent-up feelings. Try some Transformational Breathe Work – I’m sure it got me through!

 At this stage you must be careful not to criticise yourself or let yourself feel judged by others, they can’t understand right now why you feel how you do, one day they will face it as we all must. 

 It’s also helpful to understand the dynamics of anger, unless we deal with it honestly and head on as suggested, we will tend to send it outwards, onto others as blame or resentment. If we are the type to bottle things, up then it will turn inward onto ourselves and become guilt and recrimination. In the long term both are destructive, so the ultimate aim in all this is actually forgiveness, for yourself, the situation and others, and once we reach this, the final stage of acceptance can more easily follow.

 Vivien on Anger:-

I can remember feeling very angry that his two consultants were on holiday at the same time. That there was no one to hand with the necessary specialised knowledge there to help him when he needed it most. You can’t help but wonder if one of them been there would he have pulled through!!!

  I felt so angry with myself that I had not made myself more aware of the healing power of honey while he was still ill. I stood in the supermarket looking at the Manuka honey and started to cry. I couldn’t help but think, if he had been eating it he might have recovered!! Anger can so often be turned back on our selves in the form of guilt and recrimination.

  A word to those around you, it’s not very comfortable to be around angry people, but in truth, it’s not helpful to suggest to any grieving person that they should not be feeling what they are. Suggesting they move faster or let go can easily alienate them   and close essential  channels of communication when they are needed most.