You are now in the present and depression is a normal reaction to its loneliness and emptiness which in the face of it, it is quite understandable that you do not care about anyone or anything anymore, including yourself. The normal round of life, eating, sleeping seems rather pointless. Kind friends will try and jolly you out of it, and suggest a trip out to cheer you up, perhaps because they feel they should be doing something to help you or feel uncomfortable with the feelings your state brings up in them. That is of course their business, but it may be difficult to manage the people around you at this time.
In truth, grief is not something you can find a quick cure to, it will take the time it needs, and it’s best to just accept it and let it take its course. It’s not even something you need to medicate as its not really an illness as such. This is your choice and the doctor may offer antidepressants, which can be of help. But maybe its helpful to look a the depression as a kind of protection. It makes us retreat from life, so we can explore our feelings of bereavement more fully. It’s hard to believe that it will lift and that life will feel worth living once more, but it surely will, and if you have taken the time and done the internal work needed, then acceptance and resolution will follow.
One year on:-
‘I am bit of a doing person and I found this stage very hard to just sit with. I did however feel the urge to cut off all links and seek solitude for reflection, but a part of me wanted to carry on as normal, thinking it would serve me better. So at first I bargained, I’ll give up this but not that. But as time moved on, it got harder, I began to feel that I didn’t care about anything anymore and finally I gave up nearly all my outside activities, but partly from the exhaustion of over doing it for so long.’
Two years on:-
’Time has moved on, but this feeling of not caring about anything still remains. It varies from day to day, and sometimes once I get into something, it can feel interesting and often I would like to follow it through, like painting or beekeeping. But on another day I just can’t be bothered with any of my hobbies, and drag through my days doing very little really. I run work like I was an automaton of some kind ,as again, ,my enthusiasm is patchy. I look towards some kind of retirement, although at 58, I am a little young as yet, but as its my own business and I carry many responsibilities, there is no option but to carry on. What was a familiar comfort at first, is now at times a burden. I am training someone to take over, but it’s still a long way off and many difficult decisions have yet to be made.’
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